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Random musings, the occasional political rant, and probably a whole lot of nothing!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Pre-marital Sex

Okay, I know this is going to ruffle some Christian conservative feathers out there, but hey, what can you do? I think I am in favor of pre-marital sex.

There, I said it. Now to those of you FREAKING out right now, let me explain.

I'm not in favor of casual, anonymous sex. Although if that's "your bag, baby," then go with it - whatever floats your boat. I certainly wouldn't want to teach my children that you should just have sex whenever the urge strikes with whomever happens to be around. I do feel that sex is a very special thing that should only be engaged in once you're absolutely ready and with someone you love and trust. (Again, not a judgment on anyone who believes differently, just what I value and would like to teach my children.)

What I'm advocating here is that sex within committed relationships is not only okay prior to marriage, but in my line of thinking, almost necessary. How many marriages today fail because of adultery and infidelity? Why do stereotypes persist about wives who always have a "headache" or husbands who just want it all the time? I think that sexual compatibility may be one of the biggest hurdles a marriage can face. Additionally, I think sometimes it's impossible to fix incompatibility. I realize that all marriage problems can seem daunting and many are difficult to work through. But often, sex drives and desires are physiological, and it's difficult, if not impossible, to alter your physiology.

Some people are able to deal with differing sex drives by having an open marriage. Others can deal with different sexual interests by a give and take arrangement in which sometimes one partner gets to pick the activity and sometimes the other does. But many people are unable (or unwilling, justifiably so in some cases) to overcome their differences.

I understand that many people fervently believe that pre-marital sex is evil or sinful, and they are certainly entitled to that opinion. I just don't think it's very practical in today's society. I mean, it was easy to remain abstinent when your hormones kicked in between 14 and 16, but then you got married between 18 and 20. But today, people are getting married at 25, 30, or even later, and our hormones are still kicking in at 14 or so. It's just unrealistic in my mind to expect everyone to resist these urges for 10 or more years. And it's obviously not happening in reality either.

This is also my reasoning for teaching sex education with birth control and STD prevention methods. It's nice to think kids shouldn't be having sex, but the facts show that they do. Not arming them with the knowledge of how to prevent STDs and pregnancy is only adding to the problems our teens face. And the misinformation that's out there is staggering: Diet Coke douche will prevent pregnancy, a guy who's just been in a hot tub or hot bath can't get a girl pregnant, you can't get pregnant on your first time, etc. ALL of these things are just ridiculous, yet because we don't educate our youth, they hold these beliefs and then find themselves in a world of trouble!

I think it's time to stop living in a world of what should be, and start living in the world of what is.

Just something I'd been thinking about.

-The Hippy's Wife :)


At 7/20/2005 7:40 PM, Blogger Josephus said...

For the record I also think it is unrealistic to expect random kids, in public schools and such, to adopt the Christian view of abstenance before marriage just because no one really does that unless they have an underlying spiritual reason or conviction to abstain.

In regards to the idea that the concept of abstinance before marriage was a product of the average marrying age back then I disagree with. The Christian concept of abstinance before marriage has its roots in the writings of the Apostle Paul who taught that all our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and when we are sexually immoral with our bodies we defile God's temple and sin not only against God but against ourselves (also before anybody freaks out that isnt to say that premarital sex is anymore of a sin than hatred or taking the Lord's name in vain). Paul went on to teach that the proper expression of sex is between a husband and a wife. However this concept wasnt just being preached to teenagers or young people. The idea is that all our bodies belong to God, young or old, married or single, and we are supposed to honor God with our bodies. To some that may seem idealistic and strange, but when you think about it Christ has called on all people to do many things that seem to go against our human nature, i.e. loving your enemies and doing good for those that hate you. I also think, my personal opinion, that there are other problems for people who claim that sex is ruining their marriage, most of the time I think it is a lack of communication.

At 7/21/2005 10:03 AM, Blogger The Hippy's Wife said...


You missed my point. I don't think that abstinence is ROOTED in the marrying age. I said I think it was easier and more realistic to remain abstinent when we were living a more agrarian lifestyle and getting married young. I understand that the teachings of Paul, among others, are the root of the abstinence movement.

And if you are able to remain abstinent good for you. Hopefully, whomever you choose to marry will have made the same commitment, and then maybe you'll discover your sexual boundaries together and create sexual compatibility.

But honestly, my husband and I communicate VERY well (and you know us, so you know that's true), but if we weren't sexually compatible, no amount of communication would help. Again, communication may be one of the problems in a marriage, and it's a hurdle you can overcome through counseling and stuff. But you can't change your physiology. And I truly believe that people who are sexually incompatible will seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

Also, if it's unrealistic to expect people to remain abstinent, why does the Republican party insist on keeping abstinence only programs in school? Honestly, if we want to slow the rate of abortions, we would be much more successful by preventing unwanted pregnancies by providing birth control to those who need it, rather than just saying "you shouldn't be having sex."

Again, time to live in the world that is, not the world that should be.

-The Hippy's Wife :)


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